We have all these doubts and fears that come up in our lives. And ultimately, it all comes down to self trust. In this episode of She’s Hungry, Willo Sana and I will discuss how to reach that state of trusting yourself no matter what. Spoiler: it all comes down to insourcing instead of outsourcing!
Willo Sana is my business coach and I am so excited to have this conversation, because today we are going to talk about insourcing versus outsourcing. By the time that you're done listening to this episode, you will have a better idea on what insourcing really looks like and how you can drop into your intuition in your life and in your business every day. We also talk about how to catch yourself possibly outsourcing, how to be aware of that moment, and then what you can do to pull yourself back.
Willo Sana is a transformational business coach, master facilitator, and international keynote speaker who empowers visionary entrepreneurs to birth their big ideas into the world. For more than 18 years, she has shared her special mix of emotional and strategic support – cultivating clarity, courage, and compassion – through multiple e-courses and online trainings, immersive retreats, and large-scale events. She has worked with thousands of ambitious, purpose-driven individuals, helping them to thrive in all areas of life.
Her upcoming book, Double Down on Your Genius: Own Your Gifts, Align Your Actions, and Flourish in Your Calling, will be released in 2020.
Learn more about her at WilloLovesYou.com
What is insourcing?
Everyone calls it something different. You can call it intuition, you can call it gut feeling, you can call it God’s spirit. Ultimately, this is a core part of what insourcing is. It's about being connected to the source, having that deep and trusting relationship with yourself.
Why is that important? This higher self, wise self, your intuition, is important because when we're tuned into this, it's really our inner compass. This means that you get to show up more confident and secure in all areas of your life. You're not questioning, doubting, feeling scattered, or scared. You're listening to yourself. Which means as a leader, you can make decisions faster, you can speak up for yourself, and you can value yourself unapologetically.
It's so key to be tuned in to yourself, because this is what allows you to then set your boundaries, manage expectations, and ultimately experience more peace and ease and flow with all the challenges that come your way in your life.
Insourcing vs. outsourcing
We have these ways of drifting. So outsourcing is a drift where we're looking out for other people to give us permission, or approval, or guidance. Now, this isn't to say that you can't call in support by any means, but it's recognizing that I want you to first tap in with yourself and know yourself.
There are all these ways that we drift from the present, and what we know in our own knowing in our body. The opportunity here is that you get to create such a strong relationship with yourself that you are unstoppable. And it might feel a little scary, because you're up against your learning edge, and you're going to continue in your life. There's no final destination here, you'll hit different plateaus in your life where you feel like ‘I've got this’. And then, maybe a few weeks later, a few months later, you will hit the learning edge all of a sudden, because you're ready to uplevel. There's always going to be these new challenges at next levels, as you are on this path of essentially becoming who you are.
Figuring out who you are by insourcing
When we're raised we have all these identities on us. We have all these persons perceptions, like your family, the friends in your life. You have all these identities, and perceptions, and roles you have upheld through your behaviour. And when that shifts, some of those relationships start to crumble, they start to break and start to feel really fragile. That can be really scary, because all your feelings of being liked or loved are all of a sudden in question. The stakes feel really high, you are no longer getting the reflection back from those trusted sources. You might start to ask yourself ‘who am I?’.
Just stop and ask yourself first what messages have you already gotten, that you haven't taken action on yet? We sit there and we want to blame the world, we want to blame everyone else. Why isn't this working? Well, have you actually taken action? Have you actually taken the steps? Have you listened to what is calling you? And gone there?
Be powerful and speak up
I want all women to know how powerful it is when you speak up. I want to help women rise up, because our relationship with power has been so dysfunctional. We've seen power represented in really abusive ways. But actually what I know to be true is that if we put power in women's hands most of the time it's going to be used for such beautiful forces of good. It first starts at unlocking that voice and allowing yourself to fully and unapologetically become who you are.
My intuition, that’s who I am, that’s what I want to call forth. It’s scary, but when you come to terms with the fact that things you say can be polarising or unpopular, it adds that extra layer. When I was told ‘you're just too much’, and ‘people don't think like this’, I didn’t like it. But speaking up is the most powerful work you will ever do, because you get to take up all of your space. Turn up the volume on who you are.
The more you are fully who you are, the more you are unapologetically. That means you're stopping the outsourcing and you're listening to what's true. And at first, it feels terrifying. If you were really fully, truly wanting to live the fullest in your life, live out loud, if you have a message to share, and you're coming into alignment with what you're here to do and your truest work. It requires this somewhat crazy making feeling, to listen to what's within.
The very first step to stop outsourcing is to identify where you outsource. See if you can recognise any self limiting thought patterns, when you start to derail. For example ‘I can't’, or ‘I'm afraid that they won't like it’, or ‘I'm afraid that they'll think I'm too much’. There's also the other end of the extreme, which is a very self limiting behaviour pattern of the overconfident. So it could be that you're like, ‘I'm better than everyone, no one can do it better than me, and therefore I have to do everything’.
So this brings us to the second step, which is about cultivating conscious awareness. Notice when you start seeking these answers outside of yourself. Watch the tapes that are playing over and over in your head. And then rewrite that script. All of this is just helping you get in a relationship with yourself, so that you're listening to yourself in this conscious, honouring way.
The third step in strengthening this sourcing muscle is what I call ‘embodied affirmations’. It's really about clarifying the outcome of who you want to become. Ask yourself ‘how do I want to feel?’, and ‘what is the outcome you desire?’. Write it out in a way that it's already happening.
The invitation is to actually stop and look up, expand your view. Remember that you're not stuck here. You do know how you have, so many resources and so much wisdom of this universe. Not even just in your own body and your own experience, but literally the intelligence of the universe at your fingertips to stop and expand and get curious and just say ‘wait a second, where am I trying to go here?’, ‘what is the outcome that I desire?’. Write this down in a way that it's already happening and imagine you're telling a friend. The most important thing is that you read this with an embodied feeling of that desired outcome every day, so that you just feel it and you're creating it.
This is really about the quality of our life. And the more that you're listening to the truth of who you are, living in alignment with the truth of who you are, you're going to feel this feeling like ‘that's right’. That's what we're here for, to light up the world with our gifts and be who we truly are, so that you are feeling so in alignment.
You are a powerful creator. Never be lulled into the belief that you don't have the power to change your life. You really, truly do. Even if it is in little tiny baby steps. Be empowered from within, to know that you are a powerful creator, and that you have the opportunity of creating whatever you want in your life.